'stache time?

Seems some callers to talk radio in New York are wondering why Derek Jeter wasn't more involved in the fight with the Toronto Blue Jays a couple nights back, him being captain and all. SportsbyBrooks suggests that Jeter needs a mustache to toughen him up. This is a really nothing story, but does allow me to run a pic of Jeter with a 'stache photoshopped in.

It turns out that it was two teens who spray painted a message on the lawn of Buffalo Bill Leodis McKelvin. McKelvin is willing to forgive and forget. Meantime, Terrell Owens attributed the act to ignorance, and added that it'll be interesting to see if anything is spray painted on McKelvin's lawn "once we make it to the playoffs." Two things: T.O. knows come playoff time there will be about 3' of snow on said lawn in Buffalo, right? Second, he also knows the Bills aren't going to the playoffs, right? The paint job featured the score and a certain part of the male anatomy in white.

When anticipating an entertaining game, it is always best to see if Jose Mourinho is anywhere near the sidelines. Despite being at home, The Special One had his Inter Milan side looking like they had no interest in opening up their attack and the result was mostly a dull game against Barcelona that finished a scoreless draw.

America, this is why a good chunk of the world hates you: for making the Old Has Been's jersey the #1 seller among NFL jersey's. Some things I just cannot fathom.

Well, it has been a couple years so it is about time that the name Washington Redskins was brought back into the spotlight as being offensive to Native American groups. A group of Natives is looking to have the Supreme Court reverse a ruling a few years back that allowed the team name to stand.

I'm working my 6th or 7th lapper in the last decade or so I figure. I've yet to find one that doesn't get hotter than the surface of the sun after actually using it as a "laptop". Very, very annoying.

The 10th season of the Ultimate Fighter got under way last night and Rampage Jackson and Rashad Evans have the hate cranked to max for each other. Kimbo Slice may as well have walked in with a target on his back for how much the rest of the guys were fired up to take him out. Rumor has it he goes out in his first fight. Time will tell.

Speaking of "seasons" and T.V., the sixth season of The Office gets under way tonight. Can't say I get amped up for a lot of regular TV, but for The Office, I sure do.

The Dallas Cowboys opener of their new stadium, Cowboys Stadium, on Sunday night against the New York Giants will see over 100,000 in attendance, and may take a run at the league record of 103,467 set at Azteca Stadium in Mexico City in 2005 when the San Francisco 49ers and Arizona Cardinals tangled.

An aide to a U.S. politician rolled into Israel wearing a green Washington Nationals hat, and got a whole lot of attention from security there who questioned him about his hat repeatedly, and with more than a little hostility. Turns out the vaguely Arabic "W" on the front, combined with the green, had the security thinking it was a Palestinian/Hamas hat. The Natinals just can't get any love.

Have a great Thursday.

Bronx Brawl

The Detroit Tigers have two pitchers with ERA's below 4.5 since the all-star break. They'll play their last 13 against Minnesota and the Chicago White Sox, so the AL Central could well be up for grabs yet. And if the pitching doesn't turn, they'll be a quick out for the New York Yankees in the first round.

Monday Night's Buffalo/New England game had an astounding 94% of the money wagered on the New England Patriots, who of course did not cover. Vegas 1 - Gamblers 0. The Oakland Raiders ended an 0-7 run on Monday Night's with their coverMonday.

Speaking of the Bills, seems the lawn of Leodis McKelvin, who fumbled a punt return, was vandalized by some fan or fans after the game. The police are staying strangely silent as to what the actual damage was, other than something was spray painted on the lawn. Racist undertones, perhaps? Regardless, going to a guys home to do that kind of thing is way over the line. Period.

UFC Fight Night Live goes tonight on Spike TV. Nate Diaz and Melvin Guillard may be listed as the main event, but the more attractive matchup for my money is Gray Maynard facing Roger Huerta.

The Toronto Blue Jays showed a bit of heart for a rare occasion last night as they got into a brawl with the New York Yankees. The result left Jays pitcher Jesse Carlson with a lump on his head that was starting to rival the famous growth on boxer Hasim Rahman's head once in a fight against Evander Holyfield, which you can see here if you like. If the Jays had shown that kind of fight before, they might not be 26.5 out. Maybe 24.5? Word is that it was John McDonald that gave Yanks manager Joe Girardi a bit of a shiner. If so, that is McDonald's first hard hit since...ever. All joking aside, the Yankees don't need to be getting into it with a team that is well below them, nothing to gain at this time of year when you should have your eye on the playoffs.

Group play in the Champions League got under way yesterday and Cristiano Ronaldo scored a pair from long range in Real Madrid's 5-2 win over FC Zurich. Manchester United downed Besiktas and Chelsea knocked off Porto, among others. As far as today goes, they don't get much more attractive than Barcelona and Inter Milan, who will play in Italy today at 2:45.

Have a great Wednesday.

Do you know this man?

Juan Martin Del Potro is your U.S. Open men's tennis champion after a stunning upset win over Roger Federer in five sets. Did anybody figure that RF would lose in a major final against Del Potro? Me neither.

Over my years of watching football, I've seen the Buffalo Bills have some impressive flame outs when they seemingly had a game won. Music City Miracle comes to mind, for sure. Last night's bed soiling was almost on par with that one as the Bills had the game all but won, in New England, and ended up on the wrong end of a last minute, 25-24 thriller to Tom Brady and the Pats. And hey, wasn't the last time the Bills were on Monday Night Football in 2007 that they lost on a last second field-goal with Dallas visiting, with the same 25-24 score?

Three current NFLers are promising to donate their brains to concussion research once they go for the old dirt nap. There was a fourth, but the researchers decided that Pacman Jones was neither an NFLer, nor in possession of a brain.

You know your league is a joke when you're in your playoffs and your team gets bumped out of its arena by Sesame Street's run through town. I'm talking to you, WNBA, and the Atlanta Dream.

The latest installment of "Timeless Wisdom" features Bubbles, of Trailer Park Boys fame. So good. Rocket Science definitely gets my vote for top bit.

Not sure if the future of sports is to see major networks like ESPN customize a city specific website for big sporting towns, but they did just that yesterday in launching ESPNBoston.

Arsenal Gunner Eduardo's appeal of a two game Champions League ban for diving a few weeks back against Celtic has been overturned. Again, I'm all for diving being wiped out of the game, but unless Eduardo was a precedent and not just an example, he shouldn't be suspended.

As usual, Sir Charles Barkley hits the nail on the head on the subject of Shawne Merriman's choice in women, specifically Tila Tequila: “Dude, you’re one of the best football players in the world; you don’t get your women off of reality TV.”

For those about to rock...

The opening NFL Sunday is in the books and plenty of attention grabbing stuff. I want to thank Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler for robbing me of a 2-0 Prime Time Pick start with a shoddy performance in a 21-15 loss at Green Bay. Prick.

Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson has issued a fighting ban at Leafs training camp. How ever will the players "police" themselves without fighting? The horror!

Surprising NFL stat of the day: the Houston Texans entered yesterday's home opener at 12-4 at home the last two seasons, second best in the league. Of course, they promptly lost to the New York Jets.

The Boston Red Sox allegedly offered six pitchers for Roy Halladay at the trade deadline - Clay Bucholz, Daniel Bard and Justin Masterson among them - and JP Ricciardi declined? Insanity. No other way to describe it.

Carolina Panthers QB Jake Delhomme could be the football equivalent of baseball's Steve Sax, Chuck Knoblauch, or Rick Ankiel in losing the ability to throw where he wants to. He's got 9 picks in 51 passing attempts going back to last year's playoff debacle and yesterday's 4 pick, 1 fumble showing in three quarters.

Didn't get into Serena Williams meltdown on Saturday night yesterday with the flurry of other activity, but clearly, she lost sight of the prize and showed herself to be a mental midget. Just waiting for her dad to call the foot fault call that led to her meltdown a racist thing. It has to be coming, no?

The Boston media seems to think Phil Kessel will be a Toronto Maple Leaf. I wouldn't bet his nut on it.

Trying to figure what is a better tweet today. Sportspickle with "Cutler throws into four Packers. This probably reminds Packer DBs of practice from 1992-2007" or Jay Mohr with "Derek Jeter passed Lou Gehrig. But will he die of Derek Jeter's disease? That would be SO WEIRD."

As stories go, tough to top Kim Clijsters coming back after a couple year's off to be a mom - not that that has stopped - and taking a wild card entry into the U.S. Open in New York and parlaying it into a $1.6 million winners cheque. Awesome stuff. The men's final will go today as Roger Federer will face the giant Juan Martin del Potro, whom Federer has a 6-0 career record against.

The NFL kicked off yesterday, the U.S. Open tennis finals are being contested with a huge story in the women's final and the men's about to go, and 2 of the 3 stories covering the Toronto Star's front page of its sports section are on the Toronto Maple Leafs camp minutiae. Pathetic.

My fav part of the NFL Sunday? Cris Collinsworth over John Madden. Hell to tha yes.

Onto tonight's Prime Time Picks (1-1, -$10), and there are two with two games on the go. The early game tonight sees Buffalo visiting New England (-10.5, -104) with Terrell Owens throwing gas on the fire in their opener by revisiting SpyGate. I have a feeling this one is going to get incredibly ugly. Like, 45-10 kind of thing. Bet the Patsies, hard. Similarly, am playing chalk in the second game and betting San Diego (-10, -105) who should have far too much for the hapless Oakland Raiders. Enjoy.

Have a great Monday.

Are you ready?

It is the first Sunday of the NFL season and no doubt poolies, gamblers and fans everywhere are waking up pumped for it. Liking Cincinnati to cover (-4.5), Philadelphia Under (44), and for your Prime Time Pick tonight (1-0, +100 on the year, by the way), we're playing the Chicago Bears (+4.5 -110) at the Green Bay Packers. As for the pic today, that's over a wager lost where I said twice as many Cowboys would be taken in a fantasy pool as Bucs. It ended up being 8-5 Cowboys. I should've taken into account I was drafting with a bunch of mental midgets. Cowboys win that one today, of course. After all, if you could beat last year's Bucs squad with Brad Johnson as your QB when the Bucs were better than this year, then Tony Romo should make it easy money.

In honour of it being opening day, here's a nice collection of the 50 Most Brutal NFL Hits, with video, of course.

If I do nothing but watch NFL Red Zone today - a channel that takes you to a game as soon as someone hits the red zone - is that the equivalent of going to the end of a movie? Can't wait to see this channel in action.

If you're a logical person at all, and you've repeatedly heard how much Michigan sucks now, and Michigan beats an allegedly improved Notre Lame squad, what does that say of the Domers?

Toronto FC Captain Jim Brennan is now wearing short sleeved jersey's. David Beckham went that route about a month back. Coincidence?

Boxing Promoter Bob Arum gave a curious interview in which he stated that boxing is followed by ethnic groups: "Hispanic, Filipino, Puerto Rican, Mexican." Ignoring that he's mixing ethnicities with nationalities, and that Arum is a lot of things, but among those groups isn't one of them, he went on to declare that fans of UFC are "white skinheads". Very evolved view, Arum. Must've missed that when Oscar de la Hoya was busy promoting an MMA event. It is for dinosaurs like Arum that boxing has degenerated into an afterthought. Here's betting he's a bit more humbled after next Saturday when the next UFC pay-per-view blows away the return of Floyd Mayweather Jr. to the boxing ring on the same night. Video embedded below.

Also embedded below is a very awkward interview with Buffalo Bill Ellis Lanksder.

There were goals a' plenty in the EPL yesterday. Manchester City downed Arsenal 4-2 and City's Emmanuel Adebayor showed what a bonehead he is when he scored against his former team, running the length of the field to celebrate in front of Arsenal's fans. Total jackass. He also stepped on Robin Van Persie's face while he was down. Liverpool finally showed more of what we were expecting of them in a 4-0 pasting of Burnley, and in a great game, Manchester United downed previously unbeaten Tottenham 3-1. Not bad, considering the Red Devils were a goal back in the first minute, and played the final half hour a man down after a Paul Scholes ejection.

Here are the 11 Weirdest Sex Questions on Yahoo! Answers. Strange, and hilarious, stuff.

Toronto FC found the net three times, including two from rookies Nana Atakora and O'Brien White, en route to a very important 3-2 win over the Colorado Rapids. The win puts TFC in a tie for 8th place with five games to go. The top eight make the playoffs.

The Phoenix Coyotes opened training camp and a certain guy named Wayne Gretzky, who we last saw coaching said Coyotes, was nowhere to be found. Way to stick with your team, Wayne.

As mentioned here a few days back, Dany Heatley was officially dealt to the San Jose Sharks yesterday. Say what you will about Heatley, but the Sharks got a steal in only moving Johnathan Cheechoo and Milan Michalek and a second rounder for Heatley and a fifth rounder. That's really more hockey than I should be talking about at this time of year, and given my general annoyance with the NHL and how it is run by Herr Bettman.

Proving he's not quite finished prostituting himself, Minnesota Vikes coach Brad Childress has named He Who Shall Not Be Named one of his captains.

Grumpy Old Man Bob Arum


Buffalo Bill Ellis Lanksder is a fan of saying "I was...like...umm..." Please, please, please watch this.

#2 is #1

Toronto FC host the Colorado Rapids today and they're going to need to be a whole lot better than they were last Saturday when they lost at Colorado. Fortunately for them, the bar is set real low considering the putrid performance last Saturday. Does Julian De Guzman make his debut? Tune in to CBC at 3:30 to find out.

After a busy Wednesday of World Cup qualifiers, the English Premier League, among others, are back in business. The big one of the day is Manchester United visiting Tottenham Hotspur at 12:30 (Eastern) and it'll be interesting to see if Spurs can maintain their perfect start against the defending champions.

USC make a visit to Ohio State in their annual grudge match tonight at 8pm. The Buckeyes will need to be a whole lot sharper than they were last week when they let Navy back in the game, even with the Trojans starting a true freshman at quarterback.

Former NHL-er Mike Danton has been released from prison, and says the target of his murder plot wasn't agent David Frost, but was in fact his dad. Seriously, Hollywood couldn't come up with stuff as bizarre as everything surrounding Frost.

Cristiano Ronaldo is barely into the Spanish season and already his team is asking fans to be patient with him and saying he is feeling the pressure of the big fee to move him over as well as his pay cheque. Looks good on you, CR9. Maybe he's just terrified of this diving crackdown will focus on him next?

Derek Jeter finally broke the all-time Yankees hit record, albeit in a loss to the Baltimore Orioles. At 35, you have to think 3,000 is an automatic for #2, with plenty more beyond that.

Speaking of historic, the Toronto Argos won a home game for the first time in over 13 months. No, really. And how's this for a quote: "Toronto (3-7) snapped a five-game losing streak overall before an energetic Rogers Centre gathering of 26,421 -- a stark contrast to the crowds of roughly 11,000 fans the Toronto Blue Jays played before earlier in the week." Way to kick your landlords when they're down.

So after meeting with the District Attorney, it seems Tila Tequila did such a great job in selling her case against Shawne Merriman that the D.A. threw out all charges and said everything but they were completely groundless. Nice work, Tila.

Have a great Saturday.

John who?

Richard Seymour, traded to the Oakland Raiders earlier this week by the New England Patriots, has yet to report to the Raiders. What does it say of the Raiders when a guy is willing to give up big bucks rather than deal with that mess?

Opening night of the NFL season is in the books, and the Pittsburgh Steelers won in overtime 13-10, but did not cover the 5.5 points. Your Prime Time Pick of Under 35.5 was a winner (1-0, +100). Look for more Sunday and Monday, of course. Best part of the game last night? Not how tight it was or the big hits, but Cris Collinsworth in for John Madden. Weird seeing Steeler Santonio Holmes show up to the game rocking a Michael Vick jersey, no?

Ohio State Buckeyes QB Terrell Pryor wore a couple eye black strips last week, one honouring Michael Vick. Of course, some controversy ensued and T.P. got off this odd quote: "Not everybody is a perfect person in this world. I mean, everyone does ... kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me. I just feel people need to give him a chance. I always looked up to Mike Vick and I always will because I still think he's one of the best quarterbacks to me and I just love Mike Vick." Everyone kills people? Really?

So the judge presiding over the Phoenix Coyotes sale/auction is saying he may refuse bids by both the NHL and Jim Balsillie. Is it me, or is this guy starting to sound like he's in love with being a media darling in Canada and the six people who care in the U.S.? If I didn't know better, I'd think he was Lance Ito.

I know the Toronto Blue Jays are officially eliminated from contention, but pulling under 12,000 for a game being started by Roy Halladay seems a tad ridiculous. To riff on a marketing phrase: "you should be at the game, because you're not."

Audrina Patridge in the latest issue of Maxim. Just because.

Derek Jeter needs a single hit to break the all-time Yankees hits record tonight, and it seem almost certain he'll do it. Just hoping he doesn't bunt to do it.

Word is Dany Heatley has been traded to the San Jose Sharks in a three way deal that sees Alexander Frolov and Jarrett Stoll off to Ottawa, and Patrick Marleau off to Los Angeles. Interesting. I'm sure Heatley's rep for not showing up when needed will flourish with the traditionally soft Sharks.

Mike Comrie has signed with the Edmonton Oilers. Wait, don't they hate him in E-Town?

Have a great Friday.

Meltdown in London town

As much as I love Thursday night football in general, I can't say I like the season opening on a Thursday night. That said, this opening game ought to be a great one with the hard hitting Tennessee Titans visiting the snot-bubbling Pittsburgh Steelers. Yours truly was 23-14 (62.2%) in Prime Time Picks last season, and we'll start off playing the Pittsburgh/Tennessee Under 35.5. Yes, seems like a low total, but we're talking two run-first teams with great defences. As always, get down at Pinnacle.

Croatian coach Slaven Bilic is treating England like corn on the cob he's buttering them up so bad after England's 5-1 beatdown of Croatia, declaring that England can win next year's World Cup. They've still got some defensive frailties, and their goaltending isn't at all special, or even average, but they did put on a hell of a show in crushing the Croat's. Probably safe to assume some of Bilic's praise is in hopes of England using their remaining two games - one key one at Ukraine - to fine tune things in preparation for South Africa 2010.

Word is David Beckham's option for ownership in an MLS side may lead him to Montreal. Interesting.

Good of Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlesberger for not caving to the easy road and offering a half-hearted apology to get his rape accuser off the hook. Big Ben has rightly recognized his accuser is looking for a way out knowing she's got nothing, and he's refusing to apologize for something he didn't do.

Toronto FC will introduce Julian De Guzman as their big signing at a press conference this morning. He'll bring a quality that TFC hasn't seen to date, and could prove the difference in making the playoffs this year or not. De Guzman will be paid north of $2 million a year if reports are true.

The fine folks at SI.com deliver their preview of the coming NFL season and who they think will win the various awards at the conclusion of the year, with a link to who they like in the Super Bowl. Me, I'm liking New England over the New York Giants.

The NHL is uncertain it will allow its players to go to the Olympics in 2014. One problem - arguably its biggest star - Alexander Ovechkin - says nobody will stop him from playing for Russia. Two things: One, good for Ovy. Two, have fun with that potential PR nightmare, Gary Bettman.

Allen Iverson says he's going to Memphis because God told him to. So when do we get the NBA ad with God declaring that hoops is "fantastic"?

Have a great Thursday.

9.9.9

Suddenly, a weary (wary?) Cowboys fan - yours truly - is starting to feel more optimistic about the squad's chances this year thanks to Emmitt Smith. What does Emmitt have to do with it? He thinks the 'boys won't win more than seven, and we know as a football analyst, he's a hell of a running back. Strangely, the latest ESPN Power Rankings tend to agree with Emmitt, as they've got the Cowboys at #17. Funny that for all the hate the media piles on Terrell Owens, he's the key departure and a team they had ranked tops last year almost universally is now mid-table.

I wonder if the genius that is Tennessee Titan running back LenDale White has told San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman would be wise to quit tequila?

The last 12 NFL seasons have seen an average of five teams make the playoffs that didn't the year prior. I've got the Patriots for one.

Toronto FC's Danny Dichio will announce his retirement today. He'll leave as TFC's first household name, and the way they've been going of late, their only one for a while. Not many guys played with more heart in any sport, and certainly not on that gutless squad. Dichio will join the coaching staff. In other TFC news, looks like the Julian De Guzman deal is hours away.

Did I dream that Steve Koouleas at The Score just gave his picks to win the NHL's awards in a season still 7 weeks from starting?

Another big day of World Cup qualifying, and most eyes will be on Group 6 in Europe with England looking to clinch their birth when they host a depleted Croatian squad, who are minus their best midfielder and defenders in Luka Modric (broken leg) and Vedran Corluka (suspension). Seems the odds are stacked against the Croatian's at Wembley, but they've shocked teams many times in the past where they weren't expected to (Germany, a couple times; England, a couple times) so there is that for fans of the "Vatreni".

On the subject of diving in soccer, David Beckham has called for an end to picking on Croatian/Arsenal forward Eduardo after he was suspended for a pair of games. Say what you will about Beckham, but he's never been one to dive, partly because he plays like he avoids contact like his wife avoids food, but he's dead on when he says that nobody likes it, and it happens every week. He should have added it needs to stop.

Cincinnati Bengals QB Carson Palmer says that "somebody will die here." No, not by one of his numerous criminal teammates, he means somebody will die on the field from a hit because of the size and speed of players now. The comment, made with Ben Roethlisberger, Tony Romo, Matt Ryan, and Aaron Rodgers around the table, was not met with disagreement.

There is a new channel launching south of the border called NFL Red Zone which will go to a game as soon as a team hits the red zone. No word if Red Bull is a sponsor for that adrenalin rush.

Best dunk ever?

Have a great Wednesday.

17 straight sub-.500?

That's now 17 straight seasons of sub-.500 baseball for the Pittsburgh Pirates. That seems almost harder than 17 above .500, no?

Check out Prince Fielder's home run celebration yesterday. I'm sure some "purist" will object, though I don't see the harm - it is an entertainment business after all. And this is damn entertaining.

Speculation is Derek Jeter is going to demand a 4-year, $100 million pact from the Yankees when his current deal expires. Too much term, and too much cash I say. No matter how much he's done, he'll be 37 in the first year of that deal. Jeter's pursuit of the Yankees all-time hits record yesterday stalled with an 0-fer-8 double header.

Carlos Pena has two broken fingers after a getting hit while checking his swing, and the Tampa Rays window for 2009 is all but shut after dropping a double-header yesterday to the Yanks by a combined 15-2 score.

The Labor Day Classic took place south of the border, with Florida State and Miami staging a thriller that went down to the last second. The "U" won 38-34 in an upset of the #18 ranked Seminoles. The CFL versions of the LDC were anything but classic, unless you love seeing the Toronto Argos get killed in general.

In any negotiation when it comes to money, it is always best to assume the first offer isn't the best one. And Jim Balsillie just proved that again, jacking up his bid for the Phoenix Coyotes by a mere $30 million, enough to buy the team out of their lease in Phoenix. I have to say, I laughed out loud when I saw that one. His bid is now $100 million more than the nearest competitor, also known as the NHL.

Jeff Blair at The Globe & Mail wonders where Cito Gaston's slice of the blame is for another lost Toronto Blue Jays season. Sacred cows, Blair, sacred cows.

Sidney Crosby delivered season tickets to a long-time holder in Pittsburgh a couple years back, and she told him they wouldn't win the Stanley Cup that year, but would the next. Which they did. So what did Crosby do? He again delivered her tickets. And brought the Cup. Freaking awesome.

Alex Rios is hitting .154 with one home run and 3RBI in 22 games since moving to the Chicago White Sox. That is ridiculously bad.

Have a great Tuesday!

Jauron soon to be gone

Fired Buffalo Bills offensive coordinator Turk Schonert isn't leaving quietly, and has fired a blow torch at head coach Dick Jauron, saying he wants a "Pop Warner" offense. Awesome stuff. All is now well in B-lo ahead of their first regular season game, and owner Ralph Wilson summoned Jauron and others for a pow-wow. Gonna get ugly in Buffalo this year, and we haven't even factored in T.O., almost certain to lose it when the Bills fall flat early. It says here Jauron doesn't see Week 7 as Bills coach.

There was no reason that Toronto FC wasn't mentioned here yesterday other than they're supremely frustrating to watch as they put in a crap performance in a game they needed a result from. They're approaching Toronto Raptors levels of frustration for this guy. TFC these days stands for They're Fuckin' Crap. But the Julian de Guzman talk is heating up again with one report it is all but a done deal, though that seems too little and too late.

Some things in life I'll never understand, like why San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman would (a) date that no-talent dishrag Tila Tequila or (b) why he'd be charged for choking her. I mean, who wouldn't want to choke her? Word is Tequila was living up to her name and looking to drive drunk and Merriman tried to stop her.

Toronto Blue Jays commentator Pat Tabler on the Jays brutal record against their division: "if the Jays want to better that record, they'll have to play better." You don't say! Let me guess, the reason they've lost so many is because they don't win?

Derek Jeter needs four hits to break Lou Gehrig's Yankees hits record, and he'll have a double-header at home today against Tampa to get it done. Big night in The Bronx. Yours truly had tickets to the second game tonight and sold them months back. Now my boy Porco in New York, a regular reader here, has himself a helluva ticket to catch the game, or sell at large markup.

Detroit Tiger Magglio Ordonez needs just 18 at-bats to trigger an $18 million option for next season. The Tigers should see if Tonya Harding's crew is available for a little pipe job. He clearly isn't worth that next year.

You're a team with an aging defensive end who has missed multiple games the last two years, but is a definite team leader. The joke of the league offers you a #1 draft pick for said player, and it is likely to be a high pick given who you're dealing with. Do the deal? Of course you do, and the New England Patriots dealt Richard Seymour (Butts) to the Oakland Raiders. Maybe "The Cryptkeeper" Al Davis figures he won't be around to see that draft pick anyways.

Have a great Labour Day.

RM returns at 2pm (Eastern)

Rally Head!

The picture to the right is of Atlanta Braves reliever Peter Moylan rocking his "Rally Head". Yes, he shaved his head that way. Awesome.

If you think Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is blowing smoke about high revenue teams like his Dallas Cowboys propping up the weak sisters like Minnesota or Buffalo, you're kidding yourself. It is going to be a very different looking NFL in the coming years.

If you bet against Florida to cover the 73 points, you were a winner. They won 62-3. The upset of the day was #3 Oklahoma losing 14-13 to BYU.

Buster Olney at ESPN floats an idea to help the bottom feeders in baseball: an NFL-styled scheduling system where the top teams from the year prior would play more games against each other and the bottom end would play more against the bottom. Interesting, except I'm not sure the Toronto Blue Jays ticket office would relish the idea of a string of extra games against Kansas City and Oakland with fewer against big sellers Boston and New York. Note that never once does he suggest a salary cap could happen and would fix it. Not happening.

With a ten game home stand coming up, Derek Jeter is all but a lock to break the Yankees all-time hits record held by Lou Gehrig at home.

UEFA President Michel Platini says that despite Real Madrid spending massive bucks, there is no guarantee they're going to win anything. No word on if he reminded us all that the sky is blue and water is wet.

17-year old American Melanie Oudin is turning out to be the giant killer in the first week of the U.S. Open in New York. First she knocked off number four seed Elena Dementieva, and yesterday #29 Maria Sharapova was her victim.

Portugal scored late to draw Denmark and keep what looked to be their fading World Cup hopes alive, not that that would've been that terrible for Portugal's fans, especially when Brazil qualified after a 3-1 beatdown of Argentina. If you havent' seen the phenomenon in play, what happens each World Cup is Portugal's fans drop their colours and support Brazil when their team inevitably goes out because Brazilian's speak Portuguese. No, really, that's it. The funnier thing is the same courtesy does not apply for Brazilian's - they couldn't care less what Portugal does.

The Winnipeg Blue Bombers can't stay out of the news this week. Now comes word that a former team president - Dr. Ross Brown - has been convicted of possessing child porn this week. There's a movement afoot to boot him from the Bombers Hall of Fame. This is stunning news - there's a Bombers Hall of Fame?

Have a great Sunday.

WC qualifier day

• Brazilian ace midfielder Kaka is talking junk ahead of their huge showdown with ArgentinaBrazil, saying the Argentines will crack under the pressure of a game they need a lot more than the hosts. Man I hope this is on TV somewhere. In Europe, the big matches of the day are Denmark hosting a desperate Portugal, the Czech Republic visiting Slovakia, and France hosting Romania.
• The Florida Gators host Charleston Southern today in their kickoff to the NCAA college football season. The line? The Gators are mere 73 point favs. No, really. Get down at Pinnacle if you like. Me, I've got Ohio State -22 against Navy.
• Trivia time: which MLB pitcher has the most wins since 2000? Answer at the bottom.
• Toronto FC visit the Colorado Rapids in the first of a home-and-home series played over the next two Saturday's. And in the familiar refrain of late, they badly need a victory to keep their playoff hopes alive, especially with the Rapids just ahead of them.
• Reason for concern in Jacksonville, home of the Jaguars? They distributed all of 39,942 tickets for their pre-season game this week. Granted, it is pre-season, but the Jags routinely tarp off sections so they can dub a game a "sell out". Maybe it is them Toronto should be chasing as a buying opportunity?
• It was hardly a thriller, but the South Carolina Gamecocks 7-3 win on Thursday night over North Carolina maintained Steve Spurrier's career perfect record in opening games.
• Are you like me, and wonder why cars have the "woah shit" handles on the drivers side? Shouldn't you be, like, driving?
• Boston Red Sox closer Johnathan Papelbon has been fined, for at least the fifth time this year, for pitching so slowly. Good to see MLB does do something about the baseball equivalent of a rush hour traffic jam.
• Be sure to check out Awful Team Photos at Deadspin. Exactly as the name implies.
• Diego Sanchez and BJ Penn are lined up for UFC 107 in December. That should be a fantastic matchup between two entertaining fighters.
• Have to love Winnipeg Blue Bombers coach Mike Kelly calling Saskatchewan "the crotch of Canada." Tell us something we don't know, M.K.
• Finally the Buffalo Bills figured out that they've got an offensive issue. Namely, that they stink. So, the first head rolled in this season of firing coordinators in the pre-season and out went Turk Schonert.
• Roy Halladay was dominant last night in throwing a 1-hitter against the New York Yankees yesterday in a performance that screamed "please get me out of here, Brian Cashman".
• Trivia answer: believe it or not, Andy Pettitte with 146.

Gazoo!

• It may have been yesterday's news, but seriously, how huge is that helmet David Wright is rocking? Word is in 2011, this will be required gear by MLBers. Too funny.
• NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has to be paying attention. He obviously noticed Michael Vick, one public Grey Goose aside, has kept his nose super clean and not made any ill advised comments. As a result, Vick will be eligible to play in Week 3, not 6 as originally scheduled. Good for Vick, and good for Goodell for leaving a carrot out there and rewarding good behavior.
• Florida Marlins short stop stud Hanley Ramirez has been blasted publicly by teammatesDan Uggla, Josh Johnson and Cody Ross as being soft. Shame seeing a young talent like that not working at it.
• Is there anything less interesting to a Canadian sports fan than the latest fight by Steve Molitor at Casino Rama? The only times I saw him fight - three - he was fighting tomato cans the first two, and the third he actually fought someone with skill and was so thoroughly beaten he may as well have been fighting Ivan Drago circa Rocky IV. Molitor is back in the ring tonight. Yawn.
• Jorge Posada needs one homer to reach 20, Derek Jeter needs three. That would give the New York Yankees an incredible eight players with 20 or more. The Yanks smoked the Toronto Blue Jays last night 10-5 to move to 10-3 on the year against Toronto. The big story in Toronto this weekend is if Jeter gets real hot, he could break Lou Gehrig's franchise hits record with nine more knocks in the next three.
  
• Jason Whitlock at Fox Sports is a different kind of sports journalist. He'll say things with a fresh perspective that few if any others will offer. But check out his piece yesterday in which he laid out many prominent sports media members. You have to wonder if he's got career suicide on the brain. Have to say though, some of it is damn good, and funny.
• Pacman Jones isn't going to be a Winnipeg Blue Bomber after all. Seems his almost-employer didn't take too kindly to him bragging that his stop in the 'peg was just before jumping ship to the NFL for a playoff run, and he also added some YouTube smack about scoring at will in the CFL. Bonus points for him saying he was going to the UFL and needing to be informed it was the CFL, but in the end, Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde got him.
• European soccer's governing body - UEFA - dropped a strong sanction on Chelsea for tampering with French teen Gael Kakuta. The Blues are forbidden from signing any new players until January 2011 under the ruling which is a massive penalty. Think of your fav team being forbidden from signing free agents, except you can't even do a trade either. Crazy, no? Looks good on you, Chelsea. Not surprisingly, they are planning to appeal.
• a huge day of World Cup qualifying looms tomorrow around the world. Tough to imagine any game is more appealing than Argentina and Brazil tangling. Shame it isn't available on Setanta. Will check my U.S. feeds for those who are on an FTA setup.

Have a great Friday.

Clutch-Rod?

• By no means am I a hardcore NCAA football fan, though I do follow more than most I know. That said, two things I know for sure. (1) I hate Notre Dame. (2) I hate Notre Dame's fans. Knowing those, how awesome is that sign to the right by some former Domers located by their stadium?
• The New York Yankees lead the LA Angels of Anaheim by 6.5 games in the race to secure home field through the playoffs. That's a very large deal for a team that is as dominant at home (an MLB-best 45-20) as the Yankees have been this year.
• Just months after being trade bait and looking like his days are done in San Diego, LaDanian Tomlinson is feeling back on top, or he's just blowing smoke in calling himself "the best back." Not sure about that, but he seems hell bent on getting back into the conversation.
  
• It is only three combined starts, but life as a former Boston Red Sox pitcher in the NL is looking pretty good if you're John Smoltz and now Brad Penny. Penny went 8 scoreless for the San Francisco Giants in his first start. Just shows what a joke the competition is in the NL relative to the AL. This keeps up and Curt Schilling may make a comeback.
• Clutch-Rod? 36 of his 75 RBI have either tied the score or given the New York Yankees the lead. A-Rod and the Yankees visit Toronto to inch the Jays closer to 30 games out.
• Every day, a team I've cheered for most of my life despite also loathing them most of my semi-adult acting life, drives me more insane. As most suspected, the Toronto Maple Leafs silence on the matter of another team in "their" market is because they're dead against it.
• Damien Cox at the Toronto Star looks at the stink surrounding the NHL. I'm thinking the league should shut down til they get it right, there are plenty of other sports this time of year to keep us more interested.
• have you seen the new helmets making their way to MLB? They're bigger than a football helmet. Seriously, check out New York Met David Wright sporting the new lid.
• you know you're a questionable character when after word gets out you've signed Pacman Jones, like it did for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, you back off and say "not happening"
  

Hypocrisy Reigns In Europe

• I do not dispute that Arsenal's Eduardo da Silva dove in a game last week against Celtic. Since then, soccer's governing body in Europe - UEFA - has banned Eduardo for two games. That is fine too, provided it is a precedent. If we're not hearing of how, say, Cristiano Ronaldo, 90% of the Italian league and the entire Portuguese league are being suspended any moment now, then this is nonsense and patently unfair.
• Jarrod Washburn hasn't exactly lived up to expectations with the Detroit Tigers. He's 1-2 with a brutal 6.81 ERA since moving to the Motor City on July 31st.
• Just over two weeks to go until the NFL season arrives and the topic du jour is the status of Tom Brady's shoulder. Seems he practiced yesterday so he should be good to go. The Pats open with Buffalo at home, that ought to get ugly.
• The NCAA football season is about to get under way and if there's anything more college than arguing about who should play for the championship, it is looking at power rankings. Here's SI.com's first cut at that.
• Today, an Arizona court will decide if Jim Balsillie can bid on the Phoenix Coyotes at the auction set for next week. Here's hoping he wins, if only to watch slime like Gary Bettman and Dick Peddie squirm some more.
• Ana Ivanovic's impressive slide down the tennis world continues. The #11 seed at the U.S. Open was a second round loser last night. #1 seed Dinara Safina barely scraped by in her match. If I can find a line for a world #1 that won't be top 10 a year from now, I'm betting that on Safina.
• Since June 1st, the Toronto Blue Jays are 30-46, including 16-25 at home. April seems so long ago, and the next so far away, no? There are only seven teams in baseball with fewer wins than the Jays right now.
• Look, I get that the World Wildlife Fund is looking to provoke a reaction. I also get that Mother Nature deserves a lot more respect than she gets. But invoking an image of dozens of planes flying at lower Manhatten doesn't seem like a very bright idea. Thanks to J-Gam for passing that along.
• Cincinnati Red Brandon Phillips didn't know that the end result of a fracture and a break is the same when it comes to bones. No, really. Thanks to TS for that one.
• for fans of Curb Your Enthusiasm, here's a little dose of the wit and wisdom of Larry David
• fewer than 18,000 showed up in Tampa Bay last night to see the Rays host the Boston Red Sox in a pivotal series for the home side. Pathetic.
  
• one term I don't understand: over-exaggeration. Isn't that redundant?

Have a great Wednesday.

Two vids to close...
Why didn't anyone decapitate Old Has Been for this block?



Perhaps the dirtiest play I've seen in soccer history. Not for the weak stomached.

Mannywood burns

• The L.A. Dodgers are merely three games above .500 since Manny Ramirez returned from suspension. Now, that isn't all on ManRam, but isn't exactly what you'd expect. They may not be on fire, but as you can see in the pic, the area around Chavez Ravine is.
• Best title for a book I've heard in some time: Leafs AbomiNation, a new book from Toronto sports writers Dave Feschuk and Michael Grange on the disaster that is the Toronto Maple Leafs. The price? A very affordable and fitting $19.67.
• Adam "Pacman" Jones is bringing his "Make It Rain" tour to scrip clubs in Canada. Yes, Pacman is now a Winnipeg Blue Bomber. What does it say of Pacman when Argos coach Bart Andrus had him in Tennessee and he's now a Bomber?
• Why a shorter schedule with more teams in the playoffs isn't a bad idea for basebal: fewer than 2,000 people showed up for a not-so-riveting matchup of the Pittsburgh Pirates visiting the Cincinnati Reds, the cellar dwellers in the NL Central.
• Tottenham is turning to be a Croatian haven now that they've signed their third Croat in the past year and change in the form of Niko Kranjcar from Portsmouth.
• The Tampa Bay Rays are five games behind Boston for the AL Wild Card, and they'll start a series tonight in Tampa where the home side has dominated the series the last two seasons. They're going to have to, at this point.
• St. Louis Cardinal pitcher Adam Wainwright has 26 straight quality starts. Can't say I would've figured that.
• Andy Pettitte was nearly perfect for 7 innings and the Yankees cruised to a 5-1 win, making them 32-11 since the all-star break.
• There is talk of the New York Cosmos returning as a squad, and ultimately returning to the MLS full-time. Weird, considering the Red Bull are hardly lighting up the market. That said, there is an incredible new stadium going up for the Red Bull so maybe they look to share housing?
• Seems every other NFL fan you talk to this week has just completed or is about to start their NFL fantasy draft. Some tips for those about to start.
• The NFL Network isn't exactly great value for the most part, but when they've got a new analyst dishing comment like this on the subject of Old Has Been, it becomes better: "Never has a quarterback not gone to a full training camp and then gone to a Super Bowl. It's never happened and never will happen and I thank the football gods it won't happen. . . so don't tell me it's anybody's guess. We know what will happen." Who said it, you wonder? Michael Irvin. Well done, Playmaker.

Have a great Tuesday!

And you are?

• Who would've ever expected to see Pardon The Interruption pre-empted for La Liga, Spanish league soccer? Today is that day on ESPN.
• The easy answer for Manny Ramirez woes is that he's off the juice, but that is also the simple answer. Manny is struggling in a way that seems hard to imagine for one of the best pure hitters the game has seen the last decade or so.
• the whizzinator that Onterrio Smith, one time Minnesota Viking, was busted with is up for auction. Opening bid, $750. No word on if it comes with urine included or if you've got to provide your own.
• San Francisco Giant Barry Zito has a 1.92 ERA his last nine starts and has helped play the Giants into a tie for the wild card with the Colorado Rockies. Good to see the Giants at least getting something out of Zito and that monster deal they gave him. Now, if only they could find some guys to occasionally hit.
• another late tournament choke job from Tiger Woods, as he missed a six-foot put on the 18th that would've moved him into a tie at the Barclay's tourney in New Jersey. Instead, it was Heath Slocum - isn't or wasn't he a pitcher in the bigs? - who bagged the win.
• New York Yankee Mark Teixera is now at 101 RBI as the Yankees completed the sweep of the fading Chicago White Sox with an 8-3 win. The Sox had a 1-7 week in visits to the Bronx and Boston. Manager Ozzie Guillen is expected to go nuclear any moment.
• the NHLPA fired Paul Kelly as the head of its union? Weird, though I did figure he seemed too forward thinking and bright to lead a constituency where the vast minority have beyond a high school education.
• no longer in a playoff spot after the rest of the weekend's results came in: Toronto FC. Not bagging the three points on Saturday when they should've, and losing earlier in the year to Dallas, are looking like they'll haunt.
• word is some Old Has Been will play half the game tonight for the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football. Cannot wait to see him flame out.

Have a great Monday!

Lennon Legend

• All you need to know about the Chicago Cubs in 2009: they had eight all-stars in 2008 and only 1 in 2009. That's what happens when you barely average 4 runs a game scored.
• Chelsea and Tottenham both moved to 4-0 yesterday. Chelsea hammered Burnley 3-0 while Spurs 2-1 win overwas a last second victory thanks to Aaron Lennon. Should've been a lot more comfortable than that. Manchester United squeezed out a 2-1 come from behind win on goals from Wayne Rooney and an Arsenal own-goal from Abou Diaby, who couldn't have scored more convincingly on his own goal had he wanted to. Andrei Arshavin scored a beauty for the Gunners.
• So much for the idea the hard-assed Ozzie Guillen would light a fire under passionate-less Alex Rios. Rios is hitting all of .204 with zero power for the ChiSox.
• Toronto FC should've won going away in Seattle yesterday with a half dozen great chances but finish they could not. Still, a draw keeps them in a playoff spot, just. As for the Seattle crowd? Let's just say the fans at BMO Field need to step their game up. The Sounders fans light it up in far larger numbers than a quarter of the stadium who are leading the charge at BMO.
• The U.S. Open gets under way in Flushing Meadow, New York City tomorrow. Funny what a clear cut favorite Roger Federer has become again, no?
• What is going on in the world of beer when that swill Bud Light Lame is flying off the shelves, and the Molson's brothers need to borrow $75 million to complete the purchase of the Montreal Canadiens?
• In four pre-season games, the Buffalo Bills starters have 303 yards, 15 first downs, a field goal and five turnovers. If Terrell Owens comes back and turns that disaster around, name him MVP.
• Former Montreal Canadien and now Ottawa Senator Alexei Kovalev is openly talking of how he wants to finish his career in Montreal. No, really.
• UFC 102 is in the books, and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira was a unanimous decision over Randy Couture. Thiago Silva crushed Keith Jardine, decisioned Krysztof Brandon VeraSoszynski and more, here.

Have a great Sunday.