"You need balls to produce semen"...

Oakland A's outfielder and purported blue chip free agent this next off-season Matt Holliday has all of one homer since August 20th, including spring training...judging by the empty seats in the first half hour of the game, clearly a 7:30pm weeknight home start is too early for the Toronto FC faithful. How have they not figured that out at MLSE? Wait - I think I just answered my own question. Nonetheless, TFC dropped a 1-0 loss on previously undefeated Chivas USA in very impressive fashion. Frankly, the score flattered the visitors. Asked about the game, TFC manager John Carver thanked the PTP for dropping the hex on Chivas...Manchester United jumped three points clear of Liverpool and Chelsea after a 2-0 win over Portsmouth, and still have a game in hand. Start putting the red ribbons on the EPL trophy, it is about over...a team in Brazil's top soccer league is giving its players Viagara when they play at altitude to improve their circulation. Maybe Viagara would've cured Jay Cutler's thinking this offseason while still with Denver?...with the departure of host Richard Garner, the sports talk landscape has lost the fantasic Drive This! at Hardcore Sports Radio but the amazing duo of Cam Stewart and Gabe Morency now have a show called Morency. Said Gabe on the subject of the Montreal Canadiens: "I don't understand how any of the Montreal Canadiens have kids because you need balls to produce semen." In response, the Habs went out and meekly took their sweep last night. Nice of Carey Price to mockingly raise his arms at the end as the boos rained down. It'll be an interesting off season in Habsland with new ownership, potentially a new GM, a new coach and ten players free agents...the New York Rangers - despite Sean Avery's attempts to let the Washington Caps back in it - are now up 3-1 and looking likely to advance...RM reader JG passed on this hilarious modification of team logos, inspired by the Detroit Lions new logo. I really want to see the Cleveland Browns adopt a fiercer shade of orange...David Beckham's next European stop sounds like it could be in North London with Tottenham Hotspur...Washington Natinal - yes, that was intentional, this was not - Elijah Dukes was fined for being a few minutes late to a team meeting after appearing at a Little League event. Way to go, Nats, that's why you are who and where you are...word is Roger Clemens had a dozen apartments around the U.S. for various girlfriends to occupy. Wonder if he misremembers that happening with Debbie Clemens no doubt raging?...back with your PTP later, have a great Thursday.

Cutting bait

So if Matt Cassel costs a second round draft picks, how is Jay Cutler and a fifth round draft pick worth Kyle Orton and a pair of first rounders, plus a third from the Chicago Bears? And here I thought Denver was in a tough spot with the trade demands and need to trade so obvious...Michael Kay of the Yankee Network on Derek Jeter batting leading off: "That's 162 at bats that Jeter won't hit into a double play." Ouch. The bloom is falling off the rose more everyday when guys like Kay are cracking like that...Peter Gammons lists the three best teams in baseball as the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and Tampa Bay Rays. The AL East is going to be scary if that holds true...that eerie silence you hear in the Toronto area is the calm before the storm that is going to hit BMO Field tomorrow when Toronto FC make their 2009 home debut. Cannot. Freaking. Wait. Coverage is on CBC at 4pm for those not able to get in or further away...North Carolina guard Ty Lawson is already a winner at the Final Four, winning $250 at a Detroit casino last night. The rest of his teammates were down about the same in Windsor area peeler joints. I'm only guessing on the latter. Also in that article is the lame revelation that Caesar's in Windsor is suspending wagering on the Final Four this weekend at the request of the NCAA...the normally mild mannered Cito Gaston went off over revelations that Roger Clemens had a hand in having him fired, calling him an asshole among other things. Sure he may have had a hand in Gaston's dismissal, but Clemens performance in Toronto is the only thing that made keeping him a possibility...in Germany's World Cup qualifier Wednesday, striker Lukas Podolski got into it with captain and all-round douche-bag and perennial second place man Michael Ballack. There's video below of how that went. Of course, the German camp says all is fine...the New York Yankees will open their new palace tonight against the Chicago Cubs. You can watch here at 7:05 tonight, and check out pics of this incredible new building here, and video here, and finally, panorama shots here...what do the LA Lakers, Boston Celtics and Washington Wizards have in common? They're the only teams to beat the Cleveland Cavs twice this season...some curious jersey's here. Including the obligatory clowns with #69, you get a Carolina Hurricanes jersey with a Hartford Whalers logo. Hid. E. Ous...the English Premier League is back in action tomorrow after the international break. Will Manchester United take the defibrilators to their title chances and down Aston Villa Sunday? Should be a great one...back with your PTP later.

Germany's Lukas Podolski does what everyone in the world wants to do to Michael Ballack...

Piazza hit the juice?

ESPN Insider says that if Wade Phillips gets axed by the Dallas Cowboys, former Denver Broncos coach Mike Shanahan is ready to step in. If that is the case, do it now, Jerry Jones. A lame-duck Phillips is not going to get that team turned around to the extent that talent needs...on the cover of today's Toronto Sun is pictures of a Toronto FC fan in Columbus getting tasered post-game on Saturday when a few fights broke out. Check out the quotes by somebody named "Chris" in this article. Not to go conspiracy theory, but I have a hard time believing any fan goes to a game and can claim to be shocked by some of the smack talk and these quotes seem fabricated...it is a mad, mad world if David Beckham remains the highest paid soccer player. Really, there isn't one guy in this top 10 I wouldn't prefer to have over him...Michigan State has made the Final Four in 5 of the last 11 years. Yet somehow, Duke gets all the love from the media and seeding committee...I know TSN Sportscentre is to be a slightly modified (translation: hockey loaded) version of the ESPN one, but it has a long way to go before it even becomes half that good. After 10 days with the latter, can't say I miss Bob McKenzie in the least, not when I can see all sports covered, documentary type stories, fantasy updates and views and far better reporters and an overall lack of stuffiness...Jeff Pearlman - who wrote the fantastic book that looked at the 1990's Dallas Cowboys "Boys Will Be Boys" - has another called "The Rocket That Fell To Earth" covering Roger Clemens. Among the revelations, he quotes Reggie Jefferson as saying everybody knows Mike Piazza was taking steroids. Wonder if Piazza will have a presser to announce he's never used, and reiterate he's not gay? Clemens started using his second year in Toronto - after a fantastic first year - and had a part to play in Cito Gaston's firing, among other things...there is going to be one hell of a press conference coming in the next day or two as the Detroit Tigers have released the live wire that is Gary Sheffield...have a great Tuesday, back later.


Guitar Hero Metallica. As if you needed more evidence Lars Ulrich is only about money.

Maybe "committment" means something else in Beckham's world?

David Beckham says he's very much committed to MLS. Right, because what says "committed" more than trying to engineer a move to AC Milan permanently. Then again, he probably thought that sleeping with his assistant while he was in his early days in Spain was showing his commitment to his wife. What is old is new again. Milan will play a friendly in LA as part of the deal to keep Beckham until June. That game is set for July 19th..if you can figure out why the New York Rangers were awarded a 17th round compensitory pick because Alexei Cherapanov died this year, I'd love to hear it. If that is the case, the Maple Leafs should be looking for a bunch of compensatory picks for some of the deadwood they've drafted over the years...ahead of what could be the final nail in the coffin for Liverpool's EPL hopes this year, manager Rafa Benitez is talking some big junk and saying his team will go in and win at Manchester United's home Old Trafford. Don't take his advice, people. Man U wins this one tomorrow...if you haven't heard how Terrell Owens release from the Dallas Cowboys was delivered by Jerry Jones, you might want to read this. Almost plays like a break-up of sorts...there is growing talk that the big name NBA free agents of 2010 - LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh - are more likely to re-sign and extend their deals with their current teams this summer than before thanks to the economic crisis causing a drop in the salary cap and limiting how much another team could offer moreso than even in the past...Peyton Manning and the Manning family were honoured in their home state of Mississippi on Tuesday with Manning Day. Shame Peyton wasn't around. He was busy golfing with Tiger Woods that day. Stay classy, Peyton...the notion that Brian McNamee injected Roger Clemens at Yankee Stadium in 2001 is hardly a revelation. Considering the time those guys spend at the ballpark, odds are...Terrell Owens has more receiving touchdowns the last two years than do the Buffalo Bills combined...it wasn't always pretty, but the goals sure were as Manchester United downed Inter Milan 2-0 to take their round of 16 game. Also advancing: Barcelona, Arsenal via the dreaded shootout, and Porto...have a great day.

Time to bat clean-up

If Alex Rodriguez is at all smart, or has even paid a bit of attention, he'd best come clean now and say that he used in 2003, that he's sorry, and it has never happened since and never will again - even if he never used at the time. The way things went for Roger Clemens in his denial in the face of (some) evidence is nothing he wants any part of. I'll repeat what I said years back: baseball should have declared amnesty to everyone who came forward with the promise of no punishment, with the understanding you'd be treated far more rashly if you were later implicated. The whole "secret" tests of 2003 was a sham, and Bud "$18 million man" Selig should lose his job for presiding over such a mess...shame about that Atlanta Hawks pick when Mike Bibby ends up getting scratched at the last minute, but finally back to .500 on PTP for the year, and off to a strong start for February. Today, playing Manchester United at -0.5 -155, kickoff at 11am as the leaders travel to London to face West Ham, coverage on The Score (in HD!) at 11am...Chelsea dropped points at home again yesterday in a scoreless draw with Hull, and look nowhere near the side that was dominating in August through October. Liverpool won 3-2 at Pompey to jump well ahead of Chelsea...the Toronto Raptors scored all of 70 points in their latest loss at not-so-mighty Memphis. That they're not blowing away the field in the latest poll question is shocking...can't say I saw the Toronto Maple Leafs performance coming last night, a 5-2 win over the Montreal Canadiens. The Habs just don't seem right at the moment...if you can figure out why the LA Lakers deal Vladimir Radmanovic to the Charlotte Bobcats for Adam Morrison - other than they fear what he'll do around snow the coming all-star break - I'd love to hear it. I know the Lakers are looking to get bigger, but Morrison?...it took Alexander Ovechkin a mere 296 games to score his 200th goal of his career. That is damn impressive, fifth fastest all-time...for my money, Ste-rod is a far more clever nickname than A-Roid...today's picture comes courtesy of one of Raptorschat's finest posters, well done Scully... Have a great Sunday. Go Man U!

Craptors at it again

I've heard some suggestions for improving the NFL's overtime format but here is a new one that is said to be gaining steam: first team to score six points wins. That's fantastic and eliminates a lot of the current method of winning the toss, picking up a couple first down and kicking a winning field goal, while not getting to the lame college method of starting at the opposing team's 35 with both getting equal chances to win. This idea is most like the actual game. Make it happen, Roger Goodell...the Dallas Stars are 15-6-3 since ditching Sean Avery. GM Brett Hull may have screwed up signing him, but he deserves credit for changing course when most GM's would stubbornly stick to their initial instinct...Stephen A. Smith has not backed off one bit from his statement that Chris Bosh will leave the Toronto Raptors when his contract expires after next season. And the more Bosh tries to play it as made up while not saying he wants to stay, you have to give it some credence...Bosh and the Raptors were killed in Cleveland last night, and tonight get Kobe Bryant and the LA Lakers at home. Fortunately, this one is on TSN2 so most won't see the senseless slaughter of the Raps. I'd contemplate betting the Lakers even at -100...new poll question at the right. Get your vote in...not sure which Jim Rome take on Michael Phelps is funnier. That his bong rips explain the 10,000 calories he packs in a day, or that with his lung capacity, he must have crushed all the weed in that house in one shot...202 WWE Diva pics. Why? Because 201 would not be enough...if you're ever contemplating plastic surgery, here are 30 reasons why it is a bad idea...when you think your job sucks, consider that there is someone that was getting paid to rub hot liniment oil all over Roger Clemens for a time, including on his beanbag. Seriously. That comes from the new Joe Torre/Tom Verducci book "The Yankee Years". Added bonus from the book, according to Sports Illustrated's Alex Belth? It reminds us how great Alex Rodriguez really is...if you heard about the PETA ad that was banned as being "too hot" for Super Bowl Sunday but haven't seen it, here's your chance. Whatever your opinion, it probably wasn't as steamy as the porn that was shown for a time on an Arizona station. Here are the rest of the ads, if you care...back later with the PTP. Still sour over last night's fourth quarter deluge to push the game over...hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman doesn't read the Toronto Sun, because this piece on the state of the NHL from Bill Lankhof would likely ruin his day. Illuminating stuff for those with their heads in the sand about the health of the NHL...have a great Wednesday.