Eff You, Crew

Dallas Stars, Texas Rangers and Liverpool owner Tom Hicks has decided that after the Sean Avery fiasco, future Stars free agents must undergo psychological testing. No word if future Rangers need to undergo performance enhancing drug testing or if any future Reds need to be tested for post game thuggery in pubs...a full slate of international games have taken over the soccer world, except in the MLS where Toronto FC will travel to Columbus to face the defending champion Crew, and bring 2,000 of their fans along. TFC is +404 on the money line for this one, thanks in part to being minus Carl Robinson and Amado Guevara, who are off playing qualifying games for Wales and Honduras, respectively. Wonder if the TV coverage (GoalTV at 7pm) will show a sign the TFC fans made that reads "Fuck You, Crew"..after being called a bad example because of his drug addled past by Pele, soccer legend Diego Maradona replied that he wasn't sure if Pele was a good example or a bad example because he lost his virginity "to a man." It may be 2009, but never too late for a little homophobia it seems...sometimes you see a coach get fired and figure "he'll have a job in five minutes." This is not one of those times. Canada's Men's National soccer team finally put an end to the joke that was Dale Mitchell's reign. Only thing I can't figure is why they took so long. Don't expect to see Mitchell near any team with aspirations again...the NCAA train just keeps on rolling with the first Elite Eight games today - quarterfinals in every other sport. Liking UConn to down Missouri and Villanova to knock out Pitt...for today's PTP, playing France -1 -103 at Lithuania. That one kicks off at 3:45.

Rando returns Saturday afternoon.

The Duke of Done-chester

Cleveland Browns coach Eric Mangini is looking to bring Brett Favre in to work with the Browns QB's at camp. I'm not sure how effective he'll be working with Derek Anderson or Brady Quinn, but the confidence of the defensive backs will sure skyrocket if Favre is stepping back to demonstrate. How long until the story becomes that Favre "has the itch" again?...I was most pleased to find that when you type "booooo" in a BlackBerry, the spell checker suggests "Boston". No joke...had Villanova at +125 on the money line. Adios, Duke. Total beatdown. Also an easy winner was last night's "under" play in the Miami/Chicago game. Under's have been kind to this punter...Houston Astro Miguel Tejada got off with only probation for lying to Congress about his steroid use. Wonder if Roger Clemens is suddenly thinking his risk level went down? Guessing not, as your risk level tends to stay static when you are convinced you're right...Columbus Blue Jacket goalie Steve Mason has pulled 10 shutouts in his rookie season. Not bad for a guy who started in the minors and had a bout with mononucleosis. And to think I traded him in my keeper pool when I fell out of the race in anticipation of Montreal Canadien Carey Price being the better play going forward. All Price has done since is prove me wrong...speaking of the Habs, it is fun - even when it would never, ever happen - watching Habs fans squirm suggesting not only will RIM co-CEO Jim Balsillie buy the team, but that he'll move them to Kitchener...you hear the talk of going to 17 or 18 games in the NFL also includes making the Super Bowl permanentely on President's Day weekend - the third weekend in February? That also happens to coincide with Family Day in Ontario so rather than taking a holiday to nurse what is usually a crippling hangover, now it's a regular holiday. Roger Goodell is a saint in my eyes if this happens...as if the Toronto Blue Jays didn't have enough to worry about, now BJ Ryan's velocity is falling faster than John McDonald's batting average after a 1 for 3 opening day...back with your PTP later.

A 4,800 calorie burger?

Check out this 4,800 calorie beast a minor league baseball team in Michigan is conjuring up: 1 pound of bread, five patties totally nearly two pounds, five slices of cheese, and a dollop of salsa, nacho cheese and Fritos. God bless America. Please, watch this video to see how it is made...either the entirety of the United States is terrified of the power of Barack Obama, or he's playing people to see if they take a joke seriously. After all, he couldn't have been serious about Congress looking at the Bowl Championship Series. What's next, have them tackle the NFL's overtime rules? The NHL shootout? I'm continually amazed at what is seen as a valuable use of time in an environment where the economy is crumbling globally...not only could the NFL move to 17 or 18 games, they might do it as soon as the 2011 season with the season starting in August. Now if only the NHL and NBA could trim their pre-season's to get things under way sooner and ending sooner. The world doesn't need NHL playoff hockey in June...it only took about a decade, and enough votes that it could've funded at least the lower bowl, but the Florida Marlins are finally getting their stadium, and it'll sit at the site of the now-imploded Orange Bowl...now that he's been accused of being a deadbeat dad, wonder if Toronto Raptor Chris Bosh is thinking of skipping town? Or maybe he's just looking for a disguise. I suggest he go under cover as RuPaul...so Cleveland Brown Donte Stallworth had enough time to flash his headlights at the man he ran down and killed last week, but not hit the brakes. Talk about a guy committed to running his routes...Stephen Brunt of the Globe & Mail told Prime Time Sports that Montreal Canadiens owner George Gillett was in Waterloo recently, the same place a certain Jim Balsillie resides. Very interesting...further proof that fools never learn and that Isaiah Thomas can always fool somebody, he's being looked at for a front office job in the NBA. With the LA Clippers. Right, because that'll change things...next up in the "People I Hate" series: People Who Say "I could care less." Listen closely: if you're saying that without obvious sarcasm, that means YOU DO IN FACT CARE because it is possible for you to care less than you do. I'm continually amazed how often perfectly intelligent people get that one wrong in everyday life, on TV, in movies - wherever. Write that down, clown, does it look like that means you don't care?...March Madness resumes tonight and you can look forward to Duke going out to Villanova...have a great Thursday, back with your PTP later.

Buy booze, get free hockey tickets

Nice marketing coming from the Phoenix Coyotes - buy a 1.75 litres of Smirnoff vodka and get a free ticket. No word on if you can bring the booze to the game. Shocking that a man with Polish roots like Wayne Gretzky would be pushing a Russian product...a report out of England says that 50% Liverpool owner and Montreal Canadiens owner George Gillett will be divesting himself of the Canadiens. Seems unlikely the classy Gillett would let that information leak in the Habs 100th year, but that ship seems riddled with holes of late so hard to say...it amazes me that Terrell Owens not going to voluntary camp is even a story. He never has. And if you look at the guy, a camp where you only work out is more for other guys, not for a guy who looks like he was cut from granite. Of course, the fact he's getting a public service award will not get national media play (thanks to TS for that one)..there is talk that the Buffalo Bills will be having a second regular season game in Toronto this year. Why? It isn't like the first was a roaring success unless you guage that by disgruntled fans overpaying for everything...within 48 hours of being granted an MLS franchise, the Vancouver Whitecaps took deposits for 5,000 season tickets. Amazing. More amazing is that the 'caps will be playing in BC Place and making it look spectacular, thanks to $365 million in renovations. Check this rendering out...like a parent to a child, the New York Yankees have given A-Rod a serious talking-to about not being a distraction and focusing on baseball alone. Good luck with that. Sounds like A-Rod could be back soon, with some talk he's just days away from playing. My fantasy squad thanks you, A-Rod...wow, I pick Duke's ladies hoops team and out they go. I'm the kiss of death. The Duke men's hoops team best beware...hard as it may be to believe, but the Houston Rockets are a half game out of second in the very tough NBA West...Jerry Jones wouldn't trade quarterback Tony Romo for "anybody". It is that kind of thinking that has the Cowboys sans a playoff win in over a decade...have a great Tuesday. Back with another PTP death lock later as I look to curse teams I hate. Can't believe how tough this has been when I lit up the NFL Prime Time games all season.

Nippon! Nippon!

The format could obviously use some work - simple is always best for even the most hardcore of fans - but tough to view the World Baseball Classic as anything but entertaining, if not a success. Japan wins for the second time, downing Korea 5-3 in a highly entertaining, extra inning affair. Wonder when the U.S. will have their "Dream Team" moment and see their top players say enough is enough and commit to the program for 2012? They'd have had a different look if guys like Roy Halladay, CC Sabathia and others took up the task...I must publicly apologize for questioning how Koko B. Ware could enter the WWE Hall of Fame. Why? Here's why. Check out the very homoerotic glances from Hulk Hogan and Don Muracco at the 1:18 mark right before Hogan unloads his hose, literally...a Boston bar is serving an A-Rod cocktail: a shot of tequila, with a spicy tomato juice chaser served in a syringe...so after getting shut out on the New York Yankee ticket lottery, I was shut out on the individual game sale as well. Recession? What recession?...the Denver Broncos, or at least coach Josh McDaniel's, are now saying that Jay Cutler is "our quarterback". Something tells me Cutler and his agent are going to want some a$$urance that is the case...just when you thought the NFL season was over, the preparation for another is on with news of a few notable games coming out. Pittsburgh will host Tennessee in the curtain raiser to the season. Dallas will host Oakland on Thanksgiving while Green Bay visits Detroit and the New York Giants will travel to Denver. Fear not Buffalo Bills fans, you're getting some Prime Time coverage with a visit to New England on September 14th. The rest of the schedule should be out in about a month. Commissioner Roger Goodell also acknowledged a 17 or 18 game schedule is on the table shortly...back with your PTP later. Apologies for not getting it on yesterday - had some technical issues with the BlackBerry transmitting and was away from the P.C. For the record, it was a winner, though I can't score it to be fair.

Erek Jeter!

LeBron James is talking openly of how he may not get to face Dwayne Wade in an NBA Final but how he'd be fine facing him even if only in practice. In response, the New York Knicks started clearing cap room...Steven Gerrard scored three for Liverpool in yesterday's 5-0 fisting of Aston Villa, who have dropped two straight now and have Manchester United lined up in a couple weeks after the international break this weekend...for my money, Villanova vs Duke is the intriguing Sweet 16 matchup in the NCAA hoops parenthesis. As always, I'll be pulling for whoever faces Duke. UConn looks the most dominant at this point...if you're wondering, Barrack Obama went 14-2 in his second round picks. Much better than a weak 19-13 opening round...bottom of the 8th, down 6-4, who makes an error for the United States that allows three more runs to make it 9-4 for Japan? Derek Jeter. But it is okay, it is Jeter after all. His defence gets any worse and we'll be calling him the Jose Calderon of MLB, dubbing him "Erek" Jeter...the latest in The Life of A-Rod: he dated a former madam, in addition to him tapping some of her escorts. David Duchovny is recognizing some symptoms in Alex...hard as it may be to believe, but Detroit Tigers starters Dontrelle Willis and Nate Robertson - both one-time studs - could be done at early ages. Fire up the performance enhancing drug speculation...Jeremy Roenick calls an interview with Sidney Crosby "as boring to watch as possible." JR hasn't scored many this year, but he's lighting the red light on that one...here's some word on the NHL changing the draft lottery to factor in years out of the playoffs and factor in previous first overall picks, good ideas both. Also mentioned: Vinny Lecavalier will be a Montreal Canadien on draft day. Guaranteed...think those NCAA lines are sharp at all? So far, we've seen wins and losses as narrow as a point either way. Yesterday, a push on Missouri at -4. Tough sledding. Have a great Monday, back with your PTP later.

Watch Erek go high and wide...

TFC down KC!

Did I not tell you two weeks ago that you would wake up today to find Toronto FC sitting at 1-0 after an opening night win at Kansas City? Win they did, in impressive fashion in a thrilling 3-2 win that should've been more. Check out hilites here. Other than a missed penalty kick, Dwayne DeRosario was fantastic, and Amado Guevara scored a pair. For what it is worth, Ives Galaracep - SoccerybyIves.net's main man and MLS expert - pegs TFC to finish fourth overall and says they could be this year's Columbus Crew cinderella story...strange sites out of London yesterday during English Premier League action. In a word, sunlight...first it was Chipper Jones teeing off on Toronto, and now Sir Charles Barkley has dubbed Cleveland and Milwaukee "dreary assed" cities. I'm sure Chuck's hometown in Alabama rivals New York City or London, England...it just dawned on me that in two weeks, we'll have the start of the MLB season looming, Toronto FC's home opener, the NHL playoffs about to start, and my fav season of all looming: patio season. The heart swells, the wallet shudders...yours truly was shut out of the New York Yankees ticket lottery for this year. Sour...the Detroit Red Wings have picked up 100 points or more the last nine years...hands up: who figured the Toronto Maple Leafs would win more games this year than the Raptors? Anyone? Bueller?...not that spring training results mean a whole lot, but 3 and 16 doesn't look good for the Houston Astros...Manchester United seem hell bent on making the Premier League race interesting, delivering a horrible effort and a 2-0 loss against a very game Fulham squad. Fortunately, Luka Modric did in Chelsea with a beauty goal in a Tottenham win. Liverpool goes today against Aston Villa...today, we're playing Missouri -4. Good luck!