"You need balls to produce semen"...

Oakland A's outfielder and purported blue chip free agent this next off-season Matt Holliday has all of one homer since August 20th, including spring training...judging by the empty seats in the first half hour of the game, clearly a 7:30pm weeknight home start is too early for the Toronto FC faithful. How have they not figured that out at MLSE? Wait - I think I just answered my own question. Nonetheless, TFC dropped a 1-0 loss on previously undefeated Chivas USA in very impressive fashion. Frankly, the score flattered the visitors. Asked about the game, TFC manager John Carver thanked the PTP for dropping the hex on Chivas...Manchester United jumped three points clear of Liverpool and Chelsea after a 2-0 win over Portsmouth, and still have a game in hand. Start putting the red ribbons on the EPL trophy, it is about over...a team in Brazil's top soccer league is giving its players Viagara when they play at altitude to improve their circulation. Maybe Viagara would've cured Jay Cutler's thinking this offseason while still with Denver?...with the departure of host Richard Garner, the sports talk landscape has lost the fantasic Drive This! at Hardcore Sports Radio but the amazing duo of Cam Stewart and Gabe Morency now have a show called Morency. Said Gabe on the subject of the Montreal Canadiens: "I don't understand how any of the Montreal Canadiens have kids because you need balls to produce semen." In response, the Habs went out and meekly took their sweep last night. Nice of Carey Price to mockingly raise his arms at the end as the boos rained down. It'll be an interesting off season in Habsland with new ownership, potentially a new GM, a new coach and ten players free agents...the New York Rangers - despite Sean Avery's attempts to let the Washington Caps back in it - are now up 3-1 and looking likely to advance...RM reader JG passed on this hilarious modification of team logos, inspired by the Detroit Lions new logo. I really want to see the Cleveland Browns adopt a fiercer shade of orange...David Beckham's next European stop sounds like it could be in North London with Tottenham Hotspur...Washington Natinal - yes, that was intentional, this was not - Elijah Dukes was fined for being a few minutes late to a team meeting after appearing at a Little League event. Way to go, Nats, that's why you are who and where you are...word is Roger Clemens had a dozen apartments around the U.S. for various girlfriends to occupy. Wonder if he misremembers that happening with Debbie Clemens no doubt raging?...back with your PTP later, have a great Thursday.

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

So if Matt Holliday's numbers weren't padded by hitting at Coor's Field - and his splits away suggest they were - we're sure going to find now that he'll be playing most of his games at the cavernous Oakland Coliseum. But what are the A's doing grabbing a guy like that who is a year from a big free agent deal? Doesn't add up, and seems like Billy Beane has another move up his sleeve...RM reader Gammy notes that somehow, the Denver Broncos are atop the AFC West at 5-4 despite scoring 27 points fewer than they've scored...is there anyone that can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory like Sam Mitchell and the Toronto Raptors? Up in the mid teens in the second half and they lost by seven to the Boston Celtics. It'd be nice if SMitch kept a tie on for his post-game interviews, at least then we'd know that the broadcasters aren't showing a taped interview of previous games. The man is incapable of saying anything that diverges from "they hit their 'shats' and we didn't"...can't believe how much the Arizona Cardinals have improved since Rod Tidwell roamed the field. Last night's thrilling 29-24 win was their first Monday Night win in 20 years..it gives me some perverse pleasure to know that outside of Dustin Pedroia's and Kevin Youkilis wives, pretty much all the Red Sox wives are well, pretty freaking unattractive. Hell, I'll go one further - David Ortiz wife looks like a dude! I'd have given a thumbs up to Curt Schilling's wife but being married to that guy automatically means she has to have the brain of a squashed grape to listen to that clown...the New York Jets signed Ty Law. How old is that guy now anyways?...not sure if these are the 13 worst pro-wrestling gimmicks of all time - no Duke "The Dumpster" Droese? Beaver Cleavage? The Goon? Red Rooster? That Australian Guy Whose Name Escapes Me? - but there are some great ones on the list to be sure...Toronto FC have ownership approval to pick up a designated player - now to find one...have a great Tuesday.

Friday, November 7th, 2008 - No sweat

The pressure of a steeplechase can be too much to bear, but it helps when you've got someone to cheer you on. Check this out...we're but one week away from when MLB free agents can start signing with teams other than their own. New York Yankees GM Brian Cashman says his team "will show a lot of love"...the Washington Nationals are said to be interested in Matt Holliday, Mark Teixeira, A.J. Burnett and Adam Dunn, according to SI.com's Jon Heyman. I'm guessing they get shut out in that pursuit. Don't imagine too many guys think going to a team that routinely loses 90+ is appealing if you have a choice...them wacky Manchester United Red Devils set up a nice prank on Cristiano Ronaldo after pics of him sweating through a blazer during a night out were published in UK papers. Seems Ronny didn't appreciate a deluge of deodorant falling out of his locker when he opened it. My money is on Paul Scholes and Nemanja Vidic. It can't be Patrice Evra - everybody knows the French don't shower...hard to believe that Ben Roethlesberger is hurt. He's taken worse hits this year than when he became a hood ornament minus a helmet a couple years back...the Jacksonville Jaguars couldn't possibly lose to previously winless Cincinnati one week and then Detroit the next, could they?...Brady Quinn looked like a seasoned vet for the most part, but Jay Cutler's 447 yards aided a big Denver Broncos comeback - as predicted in the now 11-6 Prime Time Picks - for a wild 34-30 win...Jacksonville Jaguar Matt Jones fired back at Joey Porter, asking who made him commissioner, and mixing in an inference about Porter's sexuality...after a less than impressive start to life as a Toronto Raptor, Jermaine O'Neal has been dubbed in some circles as "Sl-O'Neal" and "Bl-O'Neal"...it took a while, but seems the Dallas Cowboys have finally found a leader and a conscience willing to state the obvious: that they're a flawed team and were before Tony Romo went down. The source? Would you believe it is one Terrell Owens?...have a great Friday, and be sure to tune in to Setanta Sports at 7:45 tomorrow morning for Manchester United and Arsenal.