Jauron soon to be gone

Fired Buffalo Bills offensive coordinator Turk Schonert isn't leaving quietly, and has fired a blow torch at head coach Dick Jauron, saying he wants a "Pop Warner" offense. Awesome stuff. All is now well in B-lo ahead of their first regular season game, and owner Ralph Wilson summoned Jauron and others for a pow-wow. Gonna get ugly in Buffalo this year, and we haven't even factored in T.O., almost certain to lose it when the Bills fall flat early. It says here Jauron doesn't see Week 7 as Bills coach.

There was no reason that Toronto FC wasn't mentioned here yesterday other than they're supremely frustrating to watch as they put in a crap performance in a game they needed a result from. They're approaching Toronto Raptors levels of frustration for this guy. TFC these days stands for They're Fuckin' Crap. But the Julian de Guzman talk is heating up again with one report it is all but a done deal, though that seems too little and too late.

Some things in life I'll never understand, like why San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman would (a) date that no-talent dishrag Tila Tequila or (b) why he'd be charged for choking her. I mean, who wouldn't want to choke her? Word is Tequila was living up to her name and looking to drive drunk and Merriman tried to stop her.

Toronto Blue Jays commentator Pat Tabler on the Jays brutal record against their division: "if the Jays want to better that record, they'll have to play better." You don't say! Let me guess, the reason they've lost so many is because they don't win?

Derek Jeter needs four hits to break Lou Gehrig's Yankees hits record, and he'll have a double-header at home today against Tampa to get it done. Big night in The Bronx. Yours truly had tickets to the second game tonight and sold them months back. Now my boy Porco in New York, a regular reader here, has himself a helluva ticket to catch the game, or sell at large markup.

Detroit Tiger Magglio Ordonez needs just 18 at-bats to trigger an $18 million option for next season. The Tigers should see if Tonya Harding's crew is available for a little pipe job. He clearly isn't worth that next year.

You're a team with an aging defensive end who has missed multiple games the last two years, but is a definite team leader. The joke of the league offers you a #1 draft pick for said player, and it is likely to be a high pick given who you're dealing with. Do the deal? Of course you do, and the New England Patriots dealt Richard Seymour (Butts) to the Oakland Raiders. Maybe "The Cryptkeeper" Al Davis figures he won't be around to see that draft pick anyways.

Have a great Labour Day.