The Late Show with David Letterman had the Top 10 Messages Left on Alex Rodriguez’s Answering Machine on Tuesday:

10. “Hey, it’s Mark McGwire. Want to get together this week and not talk about the past?”

9. “Joe Torre here—thanks for helping book sales”8. “Could you find a steroid that keeps you from choking in the playoffs?”

7. “Are you worried this will taint all the championships you didn’t win?”

6. “It’s Bernie Madoff. Nice try but I’m still the most hated man in New York”

5. “Michael Phelps here. Got any snacks?”

4. “This is Sammy Sosa. Just pretend you don’t speak English”

3. “Michael Phelps again. Did I call you or did you call me?”

2. “Hey, it’s Rod Blagojevich—I’ll say you’re innocent, if you say I am”

1. “It’s Madonna. You got a phone number for Jeter?”